Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
