The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
