I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
