she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
