Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
