Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
drinking out of a sandbucket again
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
