HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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