Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
it's like heaven, but drunker
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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