her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
