They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
