i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just want nice things and good sex
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
