I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
