1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Randomize
