see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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