I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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