the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
