It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
