He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
