So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
