I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
