My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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