She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
