The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
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