i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
How does it feel to date your dad?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
