I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
