3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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