Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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