There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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