I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
