I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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