Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
