we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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