So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
