So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I just had sex on a roof
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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