It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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