yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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