I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I think i peed on brittanys purse
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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