We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
