I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
