New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
