there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
