Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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