I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
