i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
