wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
