...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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