I could have mohawked her pubes.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
