I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
