im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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