The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
