so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
