Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Your dad touched me again.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
