Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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