FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
